I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Randomize
