Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
