i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
