Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
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