I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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