also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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