I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Where is the hickey?
it wasn't lemon gatorade
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
