I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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