Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
