He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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