dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
