all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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