I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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