I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
