quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
