I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
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