just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
We have started to decorate penises.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
All the doctor said was why
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
