Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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