dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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