Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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