It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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