i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
