i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
