I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
