Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
