You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
The struggles of a small town man whore
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