Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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