It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
