Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
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