shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
