Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
