I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
