I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
