i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Randomize
