yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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