she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
