Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
