Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
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