he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
