And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
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i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
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I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
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