you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Did you pee in the oven last night??
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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