he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
