Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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