the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
