just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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