Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
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Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
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you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...