My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.