$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
I'm just looking out for you.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?