you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
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Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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