I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
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Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!