Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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