He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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