do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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