I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
