I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
