he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Houston, we have a blender
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
