What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
