I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
