Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
