I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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