You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
