i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
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Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
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I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
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