You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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