wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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